


Left in the Past (Rewrite the Future)

by Lohrendrell



Series: The Journal Universe [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Getting Together, M/M, Mentions of Ino/Hinata, Past Hashirama/Madara, Romance, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 16:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lohrendrell/pseuds/Lohrendrell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By pure chance, Naruto comes across a little book. It has no title, no author, not even a signature, but it does contain long lost memories of a romance that could have been. He can’t help being drawn to the story on those pages, neither could he imagine how much finding the journal would influence his own life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady Agonla](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Lady+Agonla).



> This was originally written for Lady Agonla, who was my recipient at a swap taken place at y!Gallery, and the original idea for this story came from her. Lady, thank you so much for your prompt, I loved writing this story for you!
> 
> Betareader: A. Thank you so much for always being so patient and lovely with me! <3

_Many times already, I promised myself that I wouldn't write to you anymore. Hopefully, this time will be the last. It’s past the time I’ve learned to truly move on and appreciate the life I’ve built on my own. I’ll be content with the happiness I managed to bring on myself over the years, even if this happiness will never surpass the way I felt when with you._

_I'm certain you will never read any of the thoughts I put on paper during all these years, and I find myself torn between disappointment and relief. I guess that a saner person would gather courage enough to destroy all evidence, but I'm too much of a coward, as well as attached (to my words, to my feelings, to you) to let it go. I'll hide this journal, that has been my only true confidant for all these years—not even Izuna ever knew about the greatness of my feelings for you. Could you still say I wasn't loyal to you, Hashirama?—from the world and even from myself, and bury everything it means in the deepest hole of my soul._

_Because I know there's no denying, no forgetting about the way I feel towards you. The way I'll most definitely always feel. But there is hope that, someday, you leaving me won't hurt as bad as it does now._

_This is the last time I'll ever write it down:_

_I love you, Hashirama, and I always will._

\- - -

\- - -

Naruto Uzumaki sneezes for the umpteenth time. He’s cleaning the dusty attic of the old house where Sasuke and him will be roommating while they attend university.

A few weeks ago, right after the last acceptance letter had arrived, Sasuke had called suggesting that they moved in together, since they’d be attending the same college in a new city. Naruto had accepted without even questioning the place, knowing how much of a prissy, mysophobic bitch Sasuke can be at times.

At first, he thought they would stay with Itachi, because Sasuke said his older brother would help them with the bills. But it turned out they would stay in an old house owned by the Uchihas. Which is even more awesome, since the house is located in a really nice neighborhood. It went unused for a few years, so it needed a little cleaning, but overall it was well-kept.

He is in the middle of reorganizing the attic so it will be the best man cave ever, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. It's a message from Menma: _dude u r not gonna belive how many hot babes ive met already._

Naruto rolls his eyes. His twin brother went to college all the way across the country, and Naruto has the feeling nothing will restrain Menma's deviant behavior anymore (or what little of it Dad could restrain, anyway).

_Well good for you. Have fun_ , he replies, and then after a second thought: _Don't you dare forget the condoms!_ To which Menma replies with a photo of him grinning wildly and sending a thumbs up to the camera while holding what Naruto recognizes as the cookie jar of their parent’s place, only it is now filled with condom packages.

Naruto sighs, but sends another text: _Good. Call me if you need anything, okay? Seriously_. It makes him feel awkward right after sending it, because he just typed like an older and responsible brother, which is a role he definitely isn’t used to—although, if he thinks about it, he had to be the responsible brother several times in their senior year.

His phone buzzes again with Menma's reply: _okay i will. u too okay? miss u, have fun with college and sasuke_. Which only proves to Naruto that he isn't the only one feeling emotional over leaving home and family to a new life.

But he doesn't reply anymore, because both of them don't need the awkwardness to get worse. He goes back to cleaning the attic instead, already picturing the awesomeness it will be, and how much fun he will have with his new college friends.

(Not that he plans on inviting too many people—it will still be a somewhat private place after all, and Sasuke definitely would throw the biggest tantrum if he ever caught too many people wandering in their new home—but he sure hopes he will make some good friends in university.)

He moves a rack to the middle of a wall, where he plans on putting the big LCD his dad gave him and all his video games and blu-rays, and then moves to an old wooden shelf in the corner of the room. It is filled with old, dusty books. Some of them are outdated encyclopedias, which he puts in a box labelled "To the university library", where Naruto will start working part time tomorrow. Others are old romance novels, which he puts on another box, labelled "To Kurama". His older brother is a professional writer and the easiest person ever to give a present to. Kurama is always doing research and craving new stories, so it only needs a nice book (preferentially not a best seller) to make him happy.

He is finishing to separate the highest shelf, the last one, when he grabs a tiny but thick book. As he cleans the dust in it, he observes it doesn't look as used as the others. The dark burgundy, almost black cover has no title, no author, nothing. He opens the book in a random page and reads, written in a very elegant calligraphy: _Sometimes I wish I hadn't fallen in love with you_.

Curious, he searches the back-cover for a signature, or a dedicatory, or something, but again finds nothing. He flips to the first page and starts reading.

_It's been two weeks since you left._

_You said writing me would be the first thing you would do as soon as you got to know your new home. I believed in your words, of course._

_Knowing Father, however, I also believe he is putting efforts into preventing us from being in touch. I don't think he would be above intercepting your letters or replying to them, telling you to stop. He was always suspicious about the nature of our relationship, and I never shared this with you, but I could see the mirth in his eyes when I told him you would move away. I suspect that's why he allowed me to spend the night with you just before you left._

_If for pity, love or sadism towards his son, I will never know._

_Maybe that's for the best. As wonderful that night might have been, we both know we couldn't make it last forever. At least not in this prejudiced society. Such deviant behavior, nobody would approve and support us, and that includes both our fathers._

_I don't know if we'll ever be able to talk to each other again, even though that's my greatest wish. For now, I can only hope and move on with my life. Father still expects Izuna and I to continue his business after all, and I quite enjoy running a company._

_In the meantime, I will write you these letters, because more than never, Hashirama, I need to talk to you, or at least feel like it._

_Hopefully in a few months, or perhaps years, these words will reach you one way or another, and you will laugh at my so called "dramatic antics", as you often did, then kiss the top of my head and hold me closer as I snuggle on your chest, in bed._

_(Perhaps this is just wishful thinking, and as I read what I just wrote, I find myself both craving and fearing the scenario.)_

_I miss you. Please come back to me._

Naruto releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding, followed by a whispered, "Holy shit." This isn't a book, it's a journal. A very real journal, from a very real person, who probably lived in this house a long time ago.

A bit dazed, but much more intrigued by the thought of that person, Naruto sits on the floor, uncaring about the dust he has yet to clean. He leans back on the old shelf, then flips to the next page.

\- - -

\- - -

  
The buzzing of his phone brings him back to reality after a few hours of reading the journal. It's a message from Sasuke: _Did you finish setting the “man cave” yet? If you did, go take a shower. Itachi is going to treat us for dinner. We’ll be there in half an hour_.

_Almost_ , he replies, but doesn't get up. Instead, he keeps staring at the little book in his hands, flipping the pages without really reading what has been written in them. This person, this man who wrote all those thoughts... he is probably the saddest person Naruto has ever known.

And he was all alone.

Sighing, he gets up, still looking at the little book. Half of him feels slightly guilty for invading someone's privacy, even though he came across the journal by pure chance, while the other half wants to know more about the mysterious writer.

He could see, just by the few pages he read, how starved for affection that person was, and he can’t say he doesn’t relate. It's impossible not to feel empathy, even though he doesn't even know the writer's name, given that he clearly didn't want to be identified.

Naruto grabs his phone back to read Sasuke’s text again, thinking about how he almost lost him. How they almost ruined their friendship because of a single stupid night.

(That thought alone is enough to make Naruto cringe his teeth. He doesn’t think the night was stupid. He doesn’t regret it. In fact, he would do it all over again, every day, if only Sasuke would give him the chance. But that’s not how their relationship works, so he got used to just let it go.)

He looks at the book again, musing over it for a few moments more, then runs downstairs to his bedroom to hide the journal before Itachi and Sasuke arrive. Even though he will invade someone's privacy, there's no reason to give the same chance to others. He still doesn't know exactly what he will do after he finishes reading it, but something in him—other than his curiosity—tells him that this is something he must do.

Because those words were written with the intention, the need, the desperate desire of reaching someone else.

_That Hashirama guy_.

Naruto is no Hashirama, but he is the one who found the journal, and the least he could do is honor the writer's wishes and acknowledge his words.

He hides the little book under his pillow before running back upstairs to finish his task.

\- - -

\- - -

  
The city where they’re living now is much bigger than their hometown. Itachi assumes the role of a tourist guide as he drives them to the restaurant. He sounds like he's enjoying it, but Naruto is feeling too sentimental, if not melancholic, to pay much attention to the city's peculiarities he's pointing out.

Before they left, Sasuke insisted that they dressed up nicely, although Itachi said it wasn't needed. Naruto put on a new pair of navy jeans and black shoes and let Sasuke pick up a red t-shirt and a black jacket for him.

Itachi takes them to a really expensive looking restaurant at the coast. He explains that the place is relatively new, but the food is so good it has already made to the top twenty best places to eat in several magazines.

"The reservations at Hoshigaki's must be done at least two months prior," he tells them as they pass straight through a waiting line. The host recognizes Itachi immediately and lets them in without questions. "Fortunately, the owner is a good friend of mine who I have helped to start his business when no one else wanted to believe in his capacity."

"How honorable of you." Sasuke rolls his eyes, but his tone is playful. His hair is styled in that way Naruto finds dangerously sexy, with his tresses framing his face, and he has to restrain the urge of kissing Sasuke in front of everybody. "You talk like you weren’t a business rat.”

Itachi chuckles. “One that likes good food.”

A waitress leads them to the second floor, to a rounded table outdoors. The weather is nice, the tide is high and the wind is blowing mildly, bringing the smell of the ocean. Looking at the dark waters, at the waves breaking and hitting the rocks, helps to lift Naruto’s mood considerably.

They sit forming a triangle in the rounded table. Itachi asks for some appetizers, but gets up half a minute later, saying he will talk to his friend, the owner, and will be back soon. Sasuke and him are left in the table, an awkward silence settled between them. Sasuke keeps staring intently at him, like he did through the rear view mirror in the passenger seat all the way to the restaurant.

When both the silence and the staring get too uncomfortable he snaps, "What?"

"Is something wrong?" Sasuke asks, not deviating the stare.

"No, why?" He attempts at a smile, already knowing Sasuke won't be fooled by it. They have been best friends since childhood, grew up together and can read each other like an open book. He shouldn't be surprised that Sasuke saw through the fake smiles and halfheartedly chit-chat in the car.

"You don't seem all that well to me."

"I'm fine, Sasuke, really," he assures, knowing the always stubborn Sasuke won't be convinced so easily.

"Naruto." Sasuke keeps staring at him, in a way that makes Naruto both angry and dying to ravish him right there. But it's best that they don't go on that road again. "You can talk to me if you want. " He leans in and puts a hand over Naruto's knee, which catches him off guard. As light and innocent as the gesture might be, it is still one of the very rare times Sasuke has touched Naruto since that night, and it only makes the matter of anger plus attraction worse.

"Oh, now you want to talk about something?" he snaps, only realizing the mistake when Sasuke startles and flinches back to his seat. Instantly, he misses the warm hand on his knee.

"I'm sorry for trying to help, you moron," Sasuke snaps back, now angry as well. "I knew this wouldn't work."

"What wouldn't work?"

"This." He gestures at them, then at the city. "Us, here."

"What? What do you mean? Of course it will work, we're already here!"

"And you're already sad about something. Is it because you miss your family?"

"No!" Naruto shouts, but lowers his voice when Sasuke hisses at him to do so. "No. I mean, I miss them and all, but it's not because of that."

A waitress arrives at their table at the very moment, bringing some appetizers and champagne, and Naruto suddenly feels very self-conscious about the scene they're probably making. He voices it to Sasuke when she leaves.

"Well, you shouldn't have started what you couldn't handle." Is his answer, that only serves to trigger Naruto's temper even more.

"I could say the same thing to you, Sasuke," he replies coldly, effectively shutting Sasuke up. He doesn't have to explain because the both of them know what he is talking about.

It sounds extremely tacky and cheesy, like if it were taken from a bad teenage comedy-romantic movie, but Naruto still has fond memories of their senior prom night. Their friends had all agreed to not invite anyone and went all in one big group, and the night went smoothly in an awesome (and drunken) celebration.

When it was over, in the morning, Sasuke and Naruto went back to Sasuke's home, having agreed previously to spend the hangover together, in private. It wasn't unprecedented, they were used to spend the night in each other's homes—more at Sasuke's than at Naruto's, because Menma could be quite the jealous prick when he wanted.

However, what started as another one of their sleepovers somehow ended with them making out, hard, in Sasuke's bed. And it was really good.

It was more than really good

It was perfect, because Naruto had been dealing with his feelings for Sasuke for a while already. And at that night he couldn't think of anything better in the whole world could possibly exist. There wasn't anything better than the taste of Sasuke's lips. Than the sound of his moans when Naruto touched him in just the right place. Than the way Sasuke whispered his name over and over again, and reached for him, and how warm and good he felt under his palm.

He honestly thought they would be together after that.

But the next morning, when he woke up alone in bed and Sasuke avoided him in his own bedroom, he knew something went really, really wrong. He didn't know what or why, but he had tried to talk to Sasuke about it. Several times he tried so very hard to just sit down and talk, to just make Sasuke open up to him, because he knew, by then, that Sasuke liked that night as much as Naruto did.

But Sasuke wouldn't budge. When he started to gradually distance himself, Naruto dropped the subject altogether, afraid their friendship would shatter—it seemed so fragile for a while.

He was happy when Sasuke called him offering to roommate, but it didn't melt away the hurt he was feeling that entire time. Not completely.

Sasuke narrows his eyes at him, then fidgets with the glass of champagne in his hands. "I thought," he starts, but has to clear his throat before starting again. "I thought you were happy to get into the school you wanted."

The anger completely vanishes from Naruto right then. He can hear the unasked question — _Aren't you happy to be here with me?_ — and must remind himself that despite his superior attitude and everything, Sasuke is, on the inside, a really insecure person, especially when it comes to his relationships with the people he genuinely cares about.

It would be lying if he said he doesn't feel happy and satisfied every time he acknowledges how important he is to Sasuke. An outsider probably wouldn't notice (not even Itachi noticed, or if he did, didn't comment) that they weren't on the best terms for the past months. Still, it never changed their relationship, their closeness or the trust they have on each other.

He wants to reassure that to Sasuke, but he has to stop the urge to grab him and kiss him right there, so he just touches his arm. "I am", he says softly, relieved when Sasuke looks at him again. "I am, Sasuke. I really am. It's just..." He's about to spill out everything about the journal and what he read there, but he feels guilty and uncomfortable before even starting. "I don't really want to talk about it. But I'm not mad at you, alright?"

Sasuke nods slowly, eyes still narrowed at Naruto, but he knows it is less anger and more hurt. He squeezes Sasuke's arms and opens his mouth to reassure him once again, but Itachi gets back to the table at that very moment.

"Sorry it took so long," he says, smirking at them. He definitely heard at least part of their argument. Naruto expects a funny comment about it but Itachi doesn't say anything, opting to fill his glass with champagne instead. He has always been a perceptive person, so he would know better.

Naruto takes his hand away from Sasuke's arm.

"You haven't tried the appetizers yet?" Itachi asks.

Naruto hadn't paid real attention to the small bowl the waitress had brought a few minutes ago, but when he proves one of the tiny things that look like a mix of cupcake and sushi, he's mesmerized with the taste and grabs a few more.

"Mini crab cups," Itachi answers when Naruto asks for the name of these delicious things, and chuckles when he whines to Sasuke that they have to make it every other week in their new home. The waitress comes to their table again and Itachi orders several dishes, all sounding delicious.

“You’re such a snobbish man, Itachi,” Sasuke accuses, but he’s smirking as he does so, grabbing another crab cup. Itachi just smirks as well. Naruto scoffs. It’s in the blood of the Uchiha to be arrogant, cocky, snobbish bastards, and they aren’t afraid to show how proud they are of it.

“To your new home.” Itachi lifts his own glass. They toast, and Sasuke almost spits the champagne when he realizes it has no alcohol. “What.” Itachi turns to him with fake surprise on his face. “You didn’t think I would be so irresponsible to give alcohol to my underage younger brothers, did you, Sasuke?”

Every time Itachi calls him his younger brother Naruto feels his chest warm up a little and this time is no different. He used to call Itachi his big brother when they were kids, until Sasuke decided it was enough and had him buried from neck to toe in his mom's garden until Naruto promised he wouldn't do it anymore.

“Asshole,” Sasuke scoffs. “The waitress only brought one bottle. Yours is non-alcoholic as well.”

“I’m the designated driver. How irresponsible do you have me for, little brother? Frankly, your concept of me hurts my feelings.” He ruffles Sasuke’s hair, which gains him a scowl and another curse, but he just chuckles in response. “So, what are you two thinking about your new home up until now?”

“It’s awesome!” Naruto exclaims, excited, then proceeds to pinpoint his favorites places so far—that are roughly the bakery, the subway and a few furniture shops, the only places he’s been in the short days since their arrival.

Their food arrives, and they talk amenities as they eat. Itachi answers every question they have about the city. Sasuke makes him promise to take them to a few tourist attractions that captured his interest. Itachi goes back into tourist guide mode and starts explaining about the landscape of the neighborhood they’re living, how it was a project of the dwellers or something. It’s a nice neighborhood indeed, but Naruto doesn’t pay too much attention until Itachi says something about the old house.

“The building is old, but it was built with prime material. Mother and Father ordered a small fix when I first came here, but dropped it when I told them it wasn't among my intentions to live there. You’ll probably need more than one cleaning to make it brand new, but other than that, the house is in pretty good shape.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Sasuke turns to look at his brother.  “And I wanted to ask you. Is this the same house where we used to visit Uncle Madara?”

“Yes. I didn’t think you’d remember. You were so young.”

Sasuke shrugs, going back to his food. “I remember Uncle Madara. He was nice. He made me company every time you stole our parent’s attention.”

Naruto doesn't miss the look on Itachi's face as Sasuke says that. In their childhood, Itachi was considered to be perfect in nearly everything and held most of their parents' attention. Because of that, Sasuke grew up to have an interesting personality, where cynicism and an infuriating air of superiority hide some deeply ingrained insecurities.

He knows Sasuke isn't really rancorous of Itachi because of that, even if there are—and probably will always be—scars that open up every once in a while. In fact, Itachi is probably one of Sasuke's most favorite person ever. Nonetheless, Sasuke is somewhat a self-destructive person, the kind who will shoot at everything, including himself, in order to vent out his frustrations. So he's sure Sasuke saying that was a result of their argument a few minutes prior.

He can't say he approves of it, however, because he knows how much Itachi suffered because of that as well. It is probably the main reason why he left home as a teenager, when he entered college, and never came back. That only serves to make Naruto angry with Sasuke all over again, but he refrains from picking another fight (and refrains that part of him that wants to hold Sasuke tight and reassure him over and over again of how special he is).

“Once," Sasuke continues, apparently oblivious to his brother's gaze on him, although Naruto can tell he is anything but that. "When you were winning that 'Mega Math Marathon' or whatever and Mother and Father had to leave me with Uncle Madara. I think I was six. It was raining slightly, and he was just an old man who needed a cane to walk, but he took me out anyway. We went to the movies to see The Lion King. Then he took me to the park where I let him have my cotton candy. And finally, when it started raining again, we went back home and he made me a tiny tomato pie, the exact size that only I could eat.”

They are silent for a while. Naruto can see Sasuke getting irritated at every past second and Itachi’s countenance being filled with a mix of guilt and rage.

“This uncle of yours,” he says the first thing that comes to mind, capturing the brothers’ full attention. “He also lived in the house we’re at now?”

Itachi nods. “He bought it soon after his father’s death, if I’m not mistaken."

"He was actually our great-uncle,” Sasuke complements.

“Why didn't he leave it to his children?”

“He didn't have any children. He lived alone in that house for the majority of his life, until he passed away a few years ago.”

Naruto can feel his heartbeat pick up. He has to ask, because part of him still doesn’t want to believe that such a sad story might be real. “Was he a writer?”

Itachi looks at him a little weird. “No. I don’t think so. Or, if he was, no one in the family ever knew about it. Why do you ask?”

Naruto shrugs and grins, hoping that he’ll be able to lie correctly at least once in his life. “There were a lot of books in the attic. It reminded me of Kurama’s study.”

“I guess he liked to read.” Sasuke looks at Naruto intently, and he knows the lie didn't get through him. Fortunately, he decides not to pry and goes along with it. “Very few people in the family talked to Uncle Madara, even though he was the one who built the family company from the first block.”

"He was—how Father called it—an eccentric gentleman," Itachi says. "Father felt obligated to give him attention, because he was his only uncle, after all, and the person who built the name of the Uchiha, so we used to come visit him a few times a year."

“But he was a good man.” Sasuke gazes at his refilled glass of non-alcoholic champagne intently for a few seconds, as if it watching an old movie pass through the bubbles, then murmurs, “He understood loneliness.”

“Oh.” Naruto looks down at his hands, letting the information sink in. _I read Madara Uchiha’s journal_ , he thinks. _And he was an eccentric gentleman_.

He understood loneliness.

_He was in love, with another man, and he knew his family would never accept it_.

And that man, that Hashirama guy, left him.

There is a mix of emotions bombarding in Naruto’s insides  at the same time. He feels sad because of the situation. He feels confused because he doesn't know what he could have done to help. He feels frustrated because he knows there’s nothing he can do to help now. He feels angry because Madara’s dad was a sadistic son of a bitch, if the stories he read were true. And he feels irritated at that Hashirama dude for leaving Madara behind and never getting in touch with him again, even though he knows there were stronger forces forcing them to it.

“Why the sudden interest in our great-uncle?” Sasuke asks, taking Naruto away from his thoughts.

He scratches the back of his neck and laughs. “No real reason. I just thought the house was really cool, even if a little old and dusty, and I wondered why no one lived there yet.”

By the look Sasuke gives him, Naruto knows he’s not buying any of the bullshit he’s pulling tonight. But neither of them say anything, and soon Itachi moves the conversation to something lighter. He gives them tips about college, where they’ll start in two days, and that they already have to think about their future. Naruto replies that he has already everything planned out.

“Sasuke here is gonna be a surgeon, right. But he’s horrible with people, especially kids, so that’s exactly the kind of patient he’s gonna take.” He proceeds the explanation when both brothers raise their eyebrows. “You see, he’s gonna be so horrible with those poor patients that they’ll leave the table traumatize. Then, Dr. Uchiha himself will apologize and send them to a psychologist, which-” He points to himself. “It’s gonna be me, Dr. Uzumaki Naruto, PhD in hospital related traumas.”

They look at him for long seconds, and Naruto grins sheepishly because he knows that look: it’s the look every Uchiha uses when they’re trying very hard not to laugh. So he gives their laughter one last push: “And that’s how we’re gonna be rich, richer than you, Itachi.”

The brothers can’t hold it in anymore, and the three of them fall in laughter right there. Itachi laughs the hardest, but even Sasuke had to breathe several times in order to calm himself down, what makes Naruto feel really smug. He doesn’t get to make Sasuke laugh this hard often enough. When they are outside it’s nearly an impossible task.

He loves when Sasuke laughs a genuine laughter. His cheeks go red in an instant and all the graciousness he usually has goes straight to the trash when he starts slamming the table with an open palm. And if the joke is really good, he’ll start to weep and hold on to Naruto like his life depended on it.

It’s not the case tonight, but it’s enough just to see Sasuke loosen up a bit, especially after such heavy subjects.

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, all in better moods. They talk about several subjects until Itachi finally asks if they're good to go. On their way out, a tall, dark skinned man with bright blue eyes greets them. He gives Itachi a tight hug, and Itachi introduces him as Kisame Hoshigashi, the owner of the restaurant.

"Sasuke and Naruto!" He shakes both of their hands. "I've heard a lot about you. I hope you enjoy your college years. Not everyone has the same opportunity. Just be careful to not make things too wild.” He chuckles.

They chit-chat for a while, Kisame tells them a bit about his life, how he's a foreigner who was in a really bad place for a few years, until he met and became friends with Itachi. "This man here." He pats Itachi's back. "I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for him."

Itachi looks smug when he says it, and Sasuke kicks his shoe lightly in retaliation, but Naruto laughs, knowing it is just Sasuke dealing with jealousy. Kisame gives them a take-out of mini crab cups and Naruto decides he really likes him and makes Itachi promise to bring them here again soon.

The ride back is quieter, but the mood is much lighter than when they left home. Itachi puts on a nice mix of songs to play. He drives them home, but refuses when they offer to enter, reminding Naruto that he needs to sleep because his new job is starting tomorrow. Naruto leans on the open window of the driver's seat and hugs Itachi's neck, perhaps too tightly, but neither of them mind.

Inside, Sasuke and Naruto go upstairs, where Naruto introduces Sasuke to the Man Cave. It didn't turn out exactly like he planned, but it's okay enough. Itachi helped them to buy a fluffy orange rug and a sectional black sofa, both of which he set in front of the old wooden rack, where he set the LCD, the blu-ray and the video games. They play a few games for a couple of hours, sitting side by side, shoulders touching. They don't pick anymore fights with each other. In fact, they don't mention anything outside the crab cups and the game the entire time. But it's okay. Of course Naruto would prefer if they were making out, but he won't risk their friendship for that. This is nice, too. Comfortable.

And quite frankly, he is quite tired of fighting with Sasuke.

When Sasuke pauses the game, announcing is time for Naruto to sleep, Naruto pouts a little, but obeys. They shut off the video game and walk to their respective bedrooms.

"I'm kind of anxious for tomorrow," Naruto says, standing in front of his door and facing Sasuke. Their bedrooms are exactly in front of each other. Sasuke had already turned the doorknob, but he turns to look at Naruto.

"I know. You're gonna be fine."

Naruto nods. "Yeah."

Silence stretches between them again. Sasuke raises an eyebrow in a silent question, what makes Naruto realize he's looking at him expectantly. And when he realizes the thing he wants is a goodnight kiss, he turns away and opens his door.

"Goodnight," they tell each other at the same time.

In his bedroom, that was white when they first got here, but Sasuke and him painted a healthy and light shade of yellow, Naruto changes for a white shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. He lies in the bed and reaches for Madara's journal under his pillow, but doesn't open it to read.

He muses over Madara's story for a long while, staring at the dark cover of the journal, until he falls asleep.

\- - -

\- - -

A petite girl approaches the reception and asks for help to find a biology book. Naruto recognizes her, she usually comes a few days a week and always returns the books before the date due. She smiles at him as she leaves, book in hand, and he smiles back.

The appliance to join the library staff happened only because his scholarship demanded that he worked part time somewhere for the university and his dad suggested that he might as well apply to a place that could benefit Sasuke and him on the long run. It turned out to be a great suggestion: Naruto already reserved several books they will need for this semester, so they won’t have to wait in the line or buy it.

At first he was anxious and concerned—he was never one to enjoy the silence for too long, how could he work at a library? But after a few weeks, he found out he can actually appreciate the quietness there, taking advantage of those idle hours to finish his homework in peace. His tasks include help people find, borrow and return books, organize the shelves and keep the system updated daily.

The staff is pretty nice, too. Shino, his boss, is a creep but also a nice dude once you get used to him. He used to work there as well in his college years, so he’s very kind and understanding to the staff, being flexible with the shift schedules if warned in advance. He also uses it as punishment, or so Naruto heard. He hasn’t gotten in any trouble so far. (Which is quite surprising on his own. Perhaps the absence of Menma diminished his wild and adventurous behavior a little bit.)

With nothing else to do for now, and being the only one in the reception for a while, Naruto sets for watching the few people who came into the library today. He recognizes most of them—most of the regulars are seniors or teachers or just awkward nerds, but all of them have been nice to him so far.

He gets tired of watching them pretty fast, so barely a minute later has him under the table, digging inside his backpack for Madara’s journal. He hasn’t read it in a while—it makes him a bit depressive—and he really thought about dropping it several times, but there’s something about Madara’s story that’s impossible to just stop. By the way it was written, Naruto guesses the pages were filled in the span of several years.  Madara was a really sad and lonely person, bordering on depression. Still, he was very strong, bearing every shit his father put onto his shoulders.

And maybe that’s why Naruto can’t stop reading his memories. A part of him wants—needs—to keep reading it, to know more, to learn if what happens next will finally be something good. He doesn’t ask much about Madara anymore, but every once in a while Sasuke lets some snippets of the moments with him escape. Naruto knows how hard it is to conquer Sasuke’s genuine sympathy, so he can’t help but be amazed when Sasuke starts talking about his great-uncle with awe.

The Madara Uchiha in Sasuke’s memories is a quiet and kind old man; someone who always paid attention and comprehended Sasuke’s feeling, especially in the moments he needed it the most but couldn’t have from his family.

Naruto knows Sasuke holds Uncle Madara dear in his heart, and that’s probably the main reason why.

He opens the book towards its middle, flipping the pages in search for the last one he read. The next page surprises him with an old, black and white picture glued to the paper with duct tape.

It’s a photo of a very serious man with long hair sitting in what appears to be a leather chair behind a large wooden desk, with a tag written _Madara Uchiha, CEO_ in it. And Madara wrote under the picture: _The day I assumed the company presidency_. And he put the date, over fifty years ago.

Madara looks like he’s in his mid to late twenties. He resembles Sasuke and Itachi a lot in appearance, but his posture and demeanor looks more like their dad’s. He looks pleased with himself, but his eyes are so… serious.

He can’t help but smile slightly. _So this is how you looked like_ , he thinks. _It’s good to finally meet you_. After several minutes staring at Madara, he leans his gaze down to read what he’s written about that photo.

_Father passed the leadership of Uchiha Corporations to me. He organized a full ceremony for this day, what let me both embarrassed and pleased. My skills are very valuable in these business, and I know it’s one of the very few things I have to make Father genuinely proud of me._

_To speak the truth, I’m very proud of myself as well. I haven’t felt that way in years. And it’s good. Because it actually helps me understand that there’s life after you, after all._

_There is one thing I wish for, still._

_More than you, I wish Mother was here._

Naruto spends the remaining minutes of his shift reading Madara’s memories of a lighter time. He learns where Itachi inherited his genius through Madara’s tale of how he took his father’s company, doubling their income in one year and starting to build what would be the great Uchiha Corporations in only a few years.

_It’s the beginning of an incredible company_ , Madara wrote. _I can feel it. Izuna is getting married soon. I want to make sure his children and grandchildren will be proud of the name Uchiha_. Naruto thinks that perhaps he did too much of a good job on that.

“Naruto.” He hears Hinata whisper-calling, telling him she came back from her break. Like him, Hinata is a freshman in psychology and works at the library. She’s extremely timid, but also very nice and sweet once you’ve melted the shyness away. Their shifts at the library don’t always meet, but they share a few classes, and they got along pretty well from the very start.

He puts Madara’s journal back on his backpack, grinning when he lifts his gaze and sees that Hinata’s friend, Ino, is with her. They greet each other enthusiastically—but whispering—and Hinata blushes. They were introduced a few days ago, and Naruto immediately liked Ino. She’s an architecture sophomore and, in contrast with Hinata, much more outgoing, extroverted and loud, nearly shameless. Apparently they’ve known each other for a while, and seem to be really good friends.

Hinata and Naruto go to Shino’s office to tell him they are off but the people whose shifts would begin after theirs still haven’t arrived. Shino sighs, but even before he can ask them to stay for a while more Naruto arguments that they have this really important presentation that must be finished today. It’s not a complete lie, they do have a project they agreed to do together, but Professor Yuuhi gave them plenty of time. Hinata was the one who wanted to finish it as soon as possible.

Outside, Ino is waiting for them. They walk her to the architecture building, where she still has some classes to take this afternoon. Naruto and Ino chat all the way there, Hinata between them, occasionally offering comments here and there, but mostly quiet.

Ino tells him about this party next weekend in celebration of hers and a friend’s birthdays. “You have to meet Shikamaru,” she says. “He’s a bit weird when you first meet him, but I get the feeling you two would get along so well! And you could bring your roommate, too!”

When they arrive at the entrance of the architecture building, Ino waves goodbye at Naruto and kisses Hinata’s cheek lingeringly. Hinata blushes hard and looks down at her feet, what makes Ino laugh loudly. Naruto can’t not smile, amused by their antics.

After Ino’s last goodbye, Hinata and him resume their walking, talking about their project. They leave the university area, heading absent-mindedly towards the general direction of his home, so he suggests they prepare the presentation there. After giving it some thought, she smiles sweetly at him. “How do you feel about cupcakes? I know this great place close to my cousin’s job. We could finish it there.”

“Sounds great!” he exclaims, and they turn over to where they previously came from. The walk doesn’t take too long, and soon after they pass the music building, Hinata points to a café with a childish decoration, saying their cupcakes are the best she ever tasted.

There’s a guy in front of the café when they arrive there, and he’s screaming something about lollipops and aliens, but people enter and leave the place without paying attention to him. His clothes are dirty, his hair in disarray—he’s probably a hobo. He doesn’t try to reach for the people around him, though, only stopping screaming for a few seconds after someone drops a few coins in an old cane in front of him.

Hinata is one of the few who does it. She doesn’t smile or try to talk to the hobo, though, entering the store right after. Naruto fishes a few coins from his pocket, then follows suit. She leads them to a table by the window, and a girl apparenting to still be a high-schooler comes right after to take their order.

“Are you alright?” Hinata asks after the waitress leaves with their orders and they’re starting their laptops.

“Yeah. I was just thinking about that hobo.” Naruto glances outside the window again. The man is still there, screaming.

“It’s so sad. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing such things.”

“People don’t seem to care much, though.”

“That’s true. But people don’t care about a lot of things they should.” She pulls out the book about psychosexuality they use for Professor Yuuhi’s classes. “And vice-versa.”

Naruto chuckles at the same time the waitress comes back with their cupcakes and beverages. “So, how do you wanna do it?” He points to the book on the table.

They’d previously agreed to work on something about the psychosexuality in children, since Hinata seemed to be very interested on the subject and Professor Yuuhi’s classes managed to make it interest enough for Naruto. It’s the first presentation they will have to do, and given Hinata’s shyness to talk to a crowd, they agree to separate it in a way Naruto is the one who does the most talking. As the hours pass by, they discover that they agree at nearly everything so the job gets done smoothly. It doesn’t mean it’s easy or quick, though, so after a couple of hours and a few rounds of milkshake, both are exhausted.

“This isn’t me already hating college, no,” Naruto half says, half yawns, stretching in his seat. Hinata chuckles. Another round of milkshakes is brought—mint chocolate chip for him, pistachio for her. “I miss the afternoons of doing homework with my brother and Mom bringing us ice cream after we’ve finished.” He takes the first gulp of his beverage. “How about you? You seem to know the city pretty well, so I take you are from here?”

Hinata nods. “Born and raised, yeah.”

“Cool! So you must see your family all the time! It must be nice to not have to be away from them. It hasn’t even been a semester yet and I miss mine so damn much.”

Hinata looks down, a sad smile filling her face. “Actually, my cousin and I haven’t seen our family in a while.”

“Why?” Naruto asks, then flinches at his abruptness, not sure anymore if he should’ve asked this when he sees Hinata’s reaction.

She looks like she really wants to talk about it, but is afraid to do so. He just watches as she takes another long sip of her milkshake, then stares at him, as if evaluating the pros and cons of opening up, if he’s trustworthy enough. Finally, she takes a deep breath and blurts out, “We don’t have permission to visit them anymore, because we’re deviants who left home last year.”

She breathes deeply again, closing her eyes, like she just got rid of a weight in her chest, and Naruto can see how much this moment must have meant. So he chooses to stay quiet this time, trying to be a good friend, trusting that he’ll know anything there is to know if Hinata wants so.

“My family,” she starts again, after a few minutes. “Is very traditional. We were raised under very strict rules, and expected to behave in adulthood like we were taught in infancy. It’s a very loving family, don’t get me wrong.” She smiles then, and it’s genuine, like she’s reminiscing good times. “But they are very… strict. And close-minded.”

“I understand,” Naruto offers after she’s gone quiet for a while. “Sasuke’s family is the same, and we grew up together.”

Hinata nods. “Yeah. And when you grow up in a family like that, you learn to behave like they wish you to behave. But sometimes… Some things don’t happen as we wish, and sometimes we don’t have control over it. Like one’s sexuality.”

She stares at him then, and it takes a few moments for her words to sink in. “Oh.”

“I always knew I was different from what my family considered normal. And because of that, I was afraid. Of them finding out, of disappointing them, all the time. Neji—my cousin—was the only one who knew, because he felt the same way.”

“You two are close?” Naruto asks, because Hinata’s genuine smile is back. He can’t help smiling too.

“Yeah. We were each other’s confidants since childhood. But contrary from me, he wouldn’t accept our family’s opinions most of the time, he would say—still says they’re a bunch of ancient, close-minded, prejudiced people. Can you believe he came out to everyone at an important family dinner?” She laughs somewhat loudly.

“He sounds like a brave person.”

“He is. I think you would like each other.” She breathes deeply, then inclines her head on the back of the chair, staring at the ceiling. “It was the same night he told me we were going to break free. He’d prepared everything beforehand, I just followed suit. If it weren’t for him...”

“It must have been really hard for both of you.”

She nods again. “I can’t say it’s been easy, living on our own, and with college too. But if we didn’t do it…” She turns her gaze back at Naruto, and it is light, even if a bit heavy—the gaze of someone who endures a lot on a daily basis, but wouldn’t take it any other way. “I’m sure we wouldn’t be this happy today. That’s why I wanna be a psychologist for children. I wanna help them overcome their own fears and accept themselves.”

They beam at each other, then another thing clicks on Naruto’s minds. “So.” He leans forward, over his laptop, his smile turning to a smirk. “About Ino…”

It is all worth just for witnessing Hinata turning into a peppermint right in front of him. Naruto laughs somewhat obnoxiously, what attracts the attention of some customers.

“We met in prep school a couple of years ago. And since then…” She sinks in her sit a bit, but she’s still beaming, and red. “To be honest, she and Neji are the pillars of the little courage and strength I manage to gather every day. When I made the decision, and later, when I had a panic attack in my new room, I could only think about how much I really wanted to be with her. And if the price for that was being deserted and be constantly struggling with college, bills and tight money… I don’t think I’ll ever regret anything.” She looks pointedly at him. “Even though we do like to keep discretion.”

Naruto laughs again, more restrained, and taps her head lightly. “I think you two make a great couple. I mean, it’s easy to see you like each other very much, I don’t know how I didn’t get it before. I guess I’m just that oblivious.”

Hinata looks down, still blushing. (Naruto doesn’t think she’ll stop anytime soon.) “Me too,” she whispers.

They go back to their project, adjusting the annoying little details left. When it is finally done, it’s already dark outside. They share the bill, and Naruto walks Hinata to a building at the corner of the street, where her cousin works. His shift will be ending soon and she wants them to go home together. She hugs Naruto tightly when they say goodbye, thanking him for just listening, and he assures her it was the least he could do.

He decides to walk home instead of taking the bus or the subway, taking the time to muse about what he read and listened to today. Parallels and comparisons to Hinata’s and Madara’s stories clash up in his mind. Both came from very strict and prejudiced families, both couldn’t help but feel something that others would consider wrong. But were in a hard place for a long time, but each took different decisions.

What if Madara had been just as brave and Hinata and her cousin were? Truth, times were different then, and Hinata had something Madara never did: someone to talk to. Still, Naruto can’t not feel this insane will to go back in time somehow and scream at Madara, tell him to step up for himself and find his own true happiness. He would punch him there with his own fists, if necessary, and offer be the person to listen to him whenever necessary.

But it all happened years ago. Madara isn’t even alive anymore. There’s nothing he can do right now.

Naruto sighs, the melancholy he always feels when thinking about the journal coming back in full force. The majority of his thoughts when he is like this is occupied by Sasuke, of course.

Naruto might be oblivious most of the time _when it comes to other people_ , but he’s known Sasuke since childhood, and has always paid much more attention to him than to anybody else. Always. So he knows for sure that Sasuke enjoyed that night as much as him, and that he also wants more—much, much more—by the way he acts.

Like when he gazes at Naruto more than really necessary, or when he implies something regarding that night, even though he doesn’t really want to bring the topic out.

Or when he sits a bit too close to Naruto when they’re in the attic playing video games.

Or even when they’re watching movies together in the couch, and Sasuke lets Naruto puts his arm around his shoulder.

Sometimes, when this happens and both are in particularly needy moods, Naruto slowly and silently leads Sasuke to lean his head on his shoulder. Sasuke pretends he doesn’t notice Naruto playing with his dark curls softly, and Naruto pretends he doesn’t hear Sasuke sigh at the feeling.

Neither utter a single word, though, because that’s just the way their relationship seems to roll nowadays.

Suddenly, a passage of Madara’s journal pops in his mind. He remembers feeling his throat tighten when he first read it weeks ago, and it’s the same feelings when he remembers it word for word.

_It’s been over a year, and you’ve yet to get in touch with me again. No letters, no calls, not a single word from you. It isn’t so hard to manage those, so I’m obligated to reach the conclusion that you’ve either forgotten all about me or simply don’t want to reminisce what is in the past._

_Would you really be this cruel to forget all about me? Or would the cruelty of it all come from Father? Would he still be preventing us from contacting each other, after all this time?_

_I have swallowed my pride in order to become the ideal son. Father hopes me to take over the company soon, and I will, both because I feel the need to please and because I genuinely wish to explore my talents in business. (Surprisingly enough, I still have other dreams other than you.)_

_Sometimes I feel like a desperate teenage girl in love. This is what your absence has reduced me to. Even though I don’t let anyone see this side of me, not even Izuna, sometimes I still have this paranoid feeling that they know. That they always have. And part of me waits for the curses, for the rocks and the disgust, as if they’re just waiting for the right time._

_Even though I know, deep down, that my feelings for you are nothing wrong. Because my love for you not only makes me feel like a man, it makes me feel complete. And when I’m with you, nothing else matters in the whole world._

_If the price for loving you is prejudice, I would happily endure it anytime. If you just asked me._

_So, please, ask me. You know I would follow my word no matter what. I just need courage to leave Father’s wing, and you give me that courage. Please write to me. Let me know you still think of me like you once promised you did._

_I only need one word._  


	2. Chapter 2

To say his new routine is tiresome is an understatement—not that Naruto didn’t work part time here and there in high school, but college routine is a bit more trying (and, he must admit, more fun). These past days have been especially difficult, with a series of exams and presentations summed with a pissed off boss that keeps giving him the worst shifts and tasks. Even with Hinata’s help, it’s tough.

Throwing himself—finally—in bed and hugging a pillow, Naruto yawns loudly. For a moment, he considers calling his mom just to complain and perhaps beg for a warm bowl of that special soup she used to make him when he was little and feeling ill. Though he’s sure she’d come to him the very next day, Naruto doesn’t really want to be babied, so he just lies there, waiting for the neediness to diminish a little.

His eyes wander through the room until they fall in the pile of books on the bedside table: most obligatory reading for his classes, a couple he’d picked for himself but hasn’t had the time to touch in forever and, on top of the pile, Madara’s journal, also untouched for a while—not so much because he doesn’t have time; Naruto is actually delaying to finish it as much as he can.

At first, Madara’s journal had been fascinating. Naruto couldn’t stop himself from devouring the pages even if he wanted to. Although he can’t be sure how old Sasuke’s uncle was when he first started—or even when he stopped—writing it, Naruto can tell by what Madara narrated and the few pictures he glued that those memories are from several years of his life.

However, as he neared the end, Naruto started to realize he was expecting some kind of happy ending and, to his dismay, more and more it seemed like it wasn’t going to happen—what had happened, for that matter.

Despite the difficulties—and they were too many—Madara was successful in several aspects of his life; romance wasn’t one of them, although it was what Madara desired the most. It makes Naruto angry, and somewhat melancholic, that he can’t do absolutely nothing to mend the situation. According to Sasuke’s memories, Uncle Madara was a very different person than the one Naruto got to know through the journal, what makes him believe that Madara never let it show how lonely and sorrow he truly was. Naruto wishes he could be there for him somehow, because he sure knows how it feels to be infatuated with someone who is so distant—though in his case, the distance isn’t physical, but emotional.

(And he doesn’t want to go as far as to say that _other thing_ , not because it wouldn’t be true, but because being in love with someone and not be reciprocated… well, it hurts.)

On the other hand, though, it’s not like he doesn’t already have something precious with Sasuke: their friendship, which is something Naruto very much appreciates and wishes to protect. He wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. Ever.

Except, maybe, for something more.

Naruto’s reveries are interrupted by his cell buzzing. His eyes are a bit soggy, so he has to blink several times before he’s able to read the message Menma sent him: _dude u r not gonna believe it. i woke up next to this beautiful girl nd i thought i was in love but then it was just gas LMAO_

Naruto facepalms hard, not knowing if he should laugh or be disgusted at his brother. Nevertheless, he isn’t in the mood for Menma’s ridiculous twelve years old sense of humor right now, so his response is an angry keyboard emoticon. It doesn’t take long for Menma to send back: _whats wrong?_

_Nothing. Mom and Dad are pissed with you ‘cause you never call them._

_pfft ill do it this week. but seriously naruto whats wrong with u_

Naruto sighs, turning around on his back. He has a mild headache. _Idk. I guess I’m just feeling a bit morose. And tired._

_smth to do with sasuke?_

_Yes and no_ , he types, for a moment considering telling Menma about Madara’s story. But then thinks it’s best not to, so he deletes it and sends instead: _Kinda._

_what that bitch did to you now? are u 2 still fighting?_

_How did you know we were fighting?_

_bro cmon. even far away u cant hide anything from me. so do u wanna talk about it?_

Does he? Naruto isn’t really sure. Everything that has been happening between him and Sasuke is so private and complicated. Opening up to someone else would feel… not exactly wrong, but… uncomfortable? _It’s just… I don’t know, it’s hard to explain_ , he sends. _What would you say if I told you I liked Sasuke? As in, really liked him?_

_id say duuhh._

Naruto scoffs. _Asshole. I’m being serious here._

_so am i. dont tell me you discovered u and sasuke are in love just now lol_

Naruto’s eyes widen. _You knew????_ He also tries to not acknowledge Menma’s choice of words. 

_dude who doesnt know that!_ Naruto’s phone buzzes several times in a row with Menma’s texts: _i mean sasuke and u have been in love since u were what, 11? 5? i mean its not that im against it lil bro, but y do u think i got so jealous of him all the time? he hogged all ur attention and u were always defending him!_

Flabbergasted, not really knowing what to say, Naruto stares at the messages for a few minutes without replying. Memories of their childhood invade his mind: of Sasuke and Menma fighting like cat and dog every time Sasuke spent the afternoon and, afterwards, when it were just the twins again, Menma would be glued to Naruto as if afraid he was going to disappear. Sometimes he even went as far as asking to share the same bed that night, saying he was afraid of the dark. Naruto, even knowing it was a lie (of the two of them, Menma was always the braver one), always let him climb on his bed, no questions asked.

_naruto?_ His cell buzzes a few more times. _r u mad at me for not telling u i knew? im sorry but i thought u didnt want me to. i mean u 2 never came out to our family or anything and you’ve been together for what, 2 years or so?_

That surprises him, and he quickly sends: _We aren’t together._ What kind of relationship does Menma think Sasuke and him have? And if Menma (who isn’t the most observant person in the world) knew, what about other people? 

_you two broke up? ):_

_No. We were never together._

_wtf. what do u mean by that_

Naruto sighs as he types: _I mean we’ve never been a couple. We never dated. Sasuke doesn’t like me that way._

_WHAT THE FUCK_ Menma emphasizes his surprise with several shocked emoticons. _What. World. Are. You. Living. In. TO SAY SASUKE DOESN’T LIKE YOU? SASUKE?!?!_

_He doesn’t!_

_he said that to u?_

_Not in those words, but, uh. Things happened. And then they didn’t anymore._

_Naruto, lil bro. Pay attention to what I’m gonna say to you because it’s important._ Menma types everything correctly, which surprises Naruto and holds his attention as his inbox is flooded: _Sasuke not only likes you, he’s completely crazy about you and has been for a long time. Have you ever seen the way he looks at you? ‘Cause I have. He looks at you like you were his sunshine knight or something. It’s kinda freaky, to tell the truth, but also cute. I mean, Sasuke is the kind of guy who doesn’t let people get very close to him, but you are like, the only exception. I mean, I remember he complained for a whole week that he had to share his bedroom with Itachi once, but he always invited you for sleepovers. And then last summer he called and asked if you’d like to share A HOUSE. He. Asked. You! Baby bro, what other confirmation do you need to believe that Sasuke Uchiha wants your D?_

_Well, his own word, for once,_ he sends, suddenly furious. Menma is right and Naruto knew that all along, however the actions don’t matter when the words don’t match, at least when it comes to Sasuke. _You have no idea of what happened, and then when I tried to talk to him he kept jumping out._

_gdi u both are such drama queens! well u have to pull the confession out of him, then._

_How??????? I tried everything!!!!_

_dont ask me, im not the expert on uchiha princesses here. have u tried taking your shirt off in front of him? LOL_

Naruto flushes furiously because, technically, he did, although it wasn’t his intention. Sasuke stumbled with him in the hall just as Naruto was leaving the shower. He wouldn’t look at Naruto in the eye, preferring to scowl at the floor instead, and Naruto stuttered something about having to go and bolted to his room. It was awkward, to be honest. 

As if hearing his thoughts, Menma sends a few seconds later: _what dont tell me it happened already! awww i bet u both were embarrassed hahaha_

_Douchebag._ Naruto pouts a little, even though Menma can’t see it. They text each other for a long time that night, talking about all kinds of things in both of their lives. It helps to ease how much Naruto misses his twin brother. 

Later, in bed, he rereads Menma’s text (the one where he proves Sasuke does like him) several times, because it gives him some kind of comfort and courage he nearly thought he had lost. But then his gaze falls on the pile of books on the bedside table, and at the sight of Madara’s journal all the courage he managed to gather for about two whole minutes crumbles in seconds. 

While Menma’s text is an encouragement, Madara’s journal is a reminder of everything that could go wrong in his relationship with Sasuke. Naruto stares at it for several minutes, clutching his phone tightly, thinking about everything he could do, wants to do about Sasuke and him, about _them_. 

He goes to sleep feeling a curious mix of hope and fear. 

\- - -  
\- - -

_You will never have to worry about me hating you. For a while, I tried so hard to despise you and your lack of consideration for me, but it soon became too trying, and I often caught myself wondering, ‘Why?’ or, ‘What if...’_

_It doesn’t matter anymore, however. Now I know it’s too late._

_Look at me. I’m not an angsty teenager anymore, yet my heart still beats faster at every little mention of your name in the newspaper. It’s amazing, by the way, what you’re doing for the world. You became a beautiful man, even more beautiful than what I could ever have imagined. You seem so happy with your own success—as you should be!_

_I can’t hate happiness. Especially not your happiness. Even after finally realizing I was never meant to be part of it. Even if you’re an essential part of mine._

_Funny to think, though, that I never knew about your taste for redheads. And although it pains me, I must admit I still love you._

_I have to find a way to stop._

\- - -  
\- - -

The sound of the ocean is soothing to his ears. Naruto closes his eyes, breathing in the chilly air, relishing in the sensation of the wind blowing through his hair and the thin drizzle occasionally touching his face. Sasuke is walking by his side in the beach promenade, comfortably close, though not enough for their shoulders to touch.

“It’s just so beautiful,” Naruto says out loud, watching as the waves break and flood the shore for a few seconds and then retreat, only to start everything all over again. It is nothing like their hometown, which is a tiny city surrounded by mountains and forests. “How can these people not care at all?”

Sasuke eyes the few citizen walking around them. Most appear to be pissed, frowning and arguing on their phones or typing furiously without paying attention where they are going. “Maybe they’re used to it,” he guesses. “Like us and… trees.”

“Hey, I still love our trees.” Naruto pouts a little.

“But you don’t go around screaming how beautiful they are like an idiot.” Sasuke smirks. “Or at least I hope you don’t.”

“No. But I’ll remember to do that when we visit next holidays.” He grins as Sasuke rolls his eyes, then singsongs, “I’ll scream all day, every day how beautiful and awesome our trees are!” Not that this city isn’t awesome in its own way: here, there is always something to do and nice people to meet; it’s just that sometimes it seems so… grayish.

“And then you’ll whine about how much you miss the ocean.”

“Probably, yeah.” Naruto laughs, turning back to the waves. The sea is rough and the tide is high, there are few people walking on the shore and even fewer in the waters. “I wish we could have both. The ocean and the forest, I mean.”

It’s a weekday, but both had the day off from university, so Naruto insisted on a walk around town. Somehow they ended up dropping at Hoshigashi’s for lunch (Kisame has become some kind of big brother/uncle/older friend that always sustains their addiction on mini crab cups and scolds them for not taking college seriously enough) and after that, strolling aimlessly through the beach.

Naruto had been worrying a lot lately that his relationship with Sasuke would never go back to what it was before, but the day is going smoothly and peaceful so far. It took very little for them to start laughing and bickering again, and Naruto breathed in relief. Sometimes it’s good to be wrong.

A particularly harsh wind hits the shore, carrying papers and umbrellas with it. Naruto shivers a little. Winter didn’t arrive yet, but it’s fast approaching. The weather sure is a lot colder than what he’s used to.

“Here.” Sasuke nudges him with something warm and fluffy: his scarf. “Put this on.”

“Your scarf?” Naruto asks, dumbly enough, and Sasuke rolls his eyes.

“No, my underwear.” Sasuke nudges Naruto (who’s a bit flustered with the image of Sasuke’s underwear popping in his mind) again, urging him to take the dark gray cloth. When Naruto declines, Sasuke grabs him by the elbow, interrupting the walk. “Idiot.” He turns Naruto to him. “You get cold easier than me. And you’re already shivering.”

There’s no space for Naruto’s rebuttal; Sasuke is already enveloping him with the thick fabric. For that, he has to step closer, and Naruto has to forcefully distract himself from the butterflies in his belly caused by their proximity.

Sasuke makes sure that even Naruto’s ears are properly covered and, after he’s finished, eyes at Naruto a bit weird, like he’s both pleased and unsure of himself. Naruto wants to ask what’s wrong, but it’s impossible to think all that far when Sasuke’s gaze is so intense on him. He can’t help being a bit overwhelmed by it.

“Sasuke…” He starts to say, trying to voice everything he’s feeling right now. But he doesn’t really know how to put it into words, and all that comes out is a long, mute exhale.

It’s enough to break the trance, though: the next second has Sasuke turning quickly in his heels and walking fast, muttering for Naruto to just stop being an idiot and follow him already—which he does, but only after a few moments of closing his eyes in order to conceal his own emotions.

They walk in silence for a little while, emerged in their own thoughts.

“You look good in gray,” Sasuke states suddenly, rather sheepishly. “You should wear it more often.” He offers Naruto a tiny, shy smile. again as if he’s pleased and unsure of himself at the same time. It gives Naruto a weird mix of feelings. Getting a genuine compliment from Sasuke is difficult and always pleasant, but he definitely wasn’t expecting one right now.

“…Thanks,” he responds after several moments, torn between flushing and huffing in annoyance, in the end doing both.

The temperature seems to have dropped considerably since they left Hoshigashi’s. A dark cloud is coming from the ocean, covering the shore and part of the city. The wind blows harder, making Naruto shiver a little; he can feel his nose and ears reddening because of the cold, even if covered with Sasuke’s scarf.

Eventually, the straight causeway is disrupted by an observation deck, probably mostly used by tourists. It has well-kept benches and a couple of telescopes. Itachi said there are several like these in the beach line, and people often use it to watch the sailboats and the occasional whales in the horizon. It isn’t neither the sailboats nor the whales season yet, so it’s just them leaning on the metal fence right now, watching the foam of the breaking waves for a while.

Or, in Naruto’s case, just pretending to. He’s more focused on breathing deeply into the gray scarf, impregnated with Sasuke’s scent. Perhaps he shouldn’t, because that act alone is triggering several thoughts he’d been trying to will away for so long, but he can’t help it. Sasuke’s scent is so good, he’s already addicted. And he wants to be able to reach for Sasuke, to grab him and kiss him and breathe into his hair whenever he pleases.

Is it wrong, to want that so bad?

Their friendship seems so fragile, and they’ve barely started to mend what’s left of it…

As he grew older, Naruto learned to cope with the fact that he isn’t all that great in a good amount of stuff—studying, paying attention for more than a few minutes, following rules to the letter; the list could go on forever—but if there is one thing that he is sure he’s pretty good at, it’s Sasuke.

With patience and a lot of experience over the years, Naruto learned how to grasp every nuance of Sasuke’s character; to pay attention to every detail of his mannerisms, and notice the slightest of changes in his mood; to understand all the hows and whys of Sasuke’s mind. To him, Sasuke is like an open book, one that only Naruto should have access to, because he’s the only one who can read it properly. Nobody else can. Nobody else will ever have this privilege, as long as he has a say on this.

And, because of all that, he is able to comprehend exactly what he saw reflected in Sasuke’s eyes a few minutes ago. Sasuke doesn’t look at Naruto like he were a sunshine knight or whatever, but more like they are close. Closer than normal.

Intimate.

Naruto knows for a fact that Sasuke isn’t the kind of person who needs—or even wants—to be protected, but he is someone who builds up walls around him, and transcend those walls can be very difficult if so Sasuke wishes. So just the fact that Sasuke looked that way at him, and let Naruto look back, allowed him _in_ , is in itself something incredibly special, at least in Naruto’s eyes.

He wonders how he hadn’t seen it before.

Nevertheless, he wants to keep seeing it. He wants Sasuke to look at him like that, at him and _him alone_ , all day and every day for the rest of their lives. If he could just…

Before Naruto realizes it, he’s taking a couple of steps and enveloping Sasuke’s middle with his arms. Sasuke instantly stiffens under his touch, but Naruto doesn’t let go.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asks in a whisper.

“Hugging you,” Naruto whispers back, nuzzling at Sasuke’s nape softly.

“Moron,” Sasuke mumbles, but it doesn’t sound aggressive as much as vulnerable. “…Why?”

“Because that’s where you belong, Sasuke: in my arms,” he rustles in his ears, chuckling softly when that causes Sasuke to tremble slightly.

Slowly, Naruto nuzzles behind Sasuke’s ears, humming lowly, until he can feel Sasuke relaxing and leaning back on his chest. Then, he rests his chin on Sasuke’s shoulder and eyes him for a few moments. Sasuke’s eyes are closed, and he seems to be breathing a bit heavily.

“Sasuke?” He places a hand on Sasuke’s chest, feeling his accelerated heartbeat. “Are you okay?”

Sasuke opens his eyes slowly. His tone of voice so low that is difficult to hear behind the sound of the sea. “I thought you were mad at me.” 

Naruto bites his lip, thinking about what to answer. He chooses the truth: “I still am. But-” He nuzzles that sensitive spot behind Sasuke’s ear again. “I think I like you too much to stay mad at you for too long.” Feeling Sasuke stiffening again, Naruto tightens his his arms around him just enough so that he won’t slip away easily, but not so much that hurts him. “Don’t run away,” he pleads. “Not this time, please.”

“Don’t say that,” Sasuke whispers. Apparently, this is how they’re going to talk: whispering. Naruto doesn’t really mind, as long as they are finally talking.

“Say what? That I like you? I can’t not say that.”

“Why not?” Sasuke tries to snarl, but it comes out more broken than menacing.

“Because I can’t lie to you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke doesn’t answer; he’s shuddering, gripping the fence tightly. Naruto watches in awe the emotional tempest being reflected in Sasuke’s expressions, holding him throughout it all.

Half of him is proud and relieved, because he finally managed to break down the wall Sasuke built (and Naruto let him) between them. The other half, however, feels protective—somewhat possessive—of Sasuke, because he appears to be in the cringe of breaking.

There isn’t anyone else in the beach area anymore except for the two of them, nobody else is witnessing this. Even so, Naruto can’t suppress the urge to shield Sasuke from the rest of the world. This isn’t meant for anyone else to see but Naruto himself. So, gently, Naruto takes Sasuke’s hand from the metal fence and turns him around, placing it on his own shoulder, When Sasuke doesn’t look at him in the eye, Naruto caresses his cheek, trying to lift it up just a little bit, but Sasuke jerks away from the touch and hides his face on Naruto’s wool-clad neck.

It’s okay, though, Naruto concludes to himself, hugging Sasuke tightly. Sasuke is a few inches shorter than him, not much, just enough that he fits there perfectly, and Naruto lets his hand travel through Sasuke’s back, drawing soothing circles as he waits for the quivering to stop.

Even though holding Sasuke this tightly is exactly what Naruto had been wishing for a good while already, and comforting him feels so, so good, it also feels wrong—or, not exactly wrong, but disconcerting in a way. He doesn’t really understand why Sasuke is acting that way when they’re just trying to talk about their relationship. Nevertheless, he wants to understand, and to fix whatever is wrong, and make things work for the better from now on. So he stands there for as long as needed, focused on calming Sasuke down and breathing in the scent of his hair.

The shuddering diminishes considerably after several minutes and Sasuke’s voice comes out, muffled by the fabric of the scarf: “This can’t go on.”

Naruto doesn’t have to ask, already knowing what Sasuke is talking about, but he does it anyway: “What? Us?” He doesn’t try to hide the hurt in his own voice. “Why?”

“It just can’t.” Lifting his head from Naruto’s shoulder and placing two palms on his chest, Sasuke tries to push him away, although he doesn’t put much force into it.

“No.” Naruto pulls him back, burying Sasuke’s face on the scarf again. “I won’t let you run away again.”

“Naruto…” Sasuke tries to growl, but it sounds more like a whine.

But Naruto doesn’t let him finish, because this is the first time in ages they’re talking properly; because he needs Sasuke to understand; because he’s afraid that if he lets Sasuke finish this, right now, everything will be interred in silence again and they’ll be over for good. “No,” he repeats. “I’m not blind or stupid, Sasuke, and I’m still your best friend. I know you feel for me the same way I feel for you and I won’t accept you denying it anymore.”

Unresponsive, Sasuke stays buried on the scarf, the only acknowledgement of having heard what Naruto just said is the stiffening of his shoulders. So, once again as slowly and gently as he can, Naruto maneuvers Sasuke’s body so they’re pressed against the fence.

“You feel so good in my arms, Sasuke,” he whispers, squeezing Sasuke hard, as if it served as an argument. “Can’t you feel it? How good it feels when we’re like that?”

“Naruto…” Sasuke growls as a form of warning at the same time he clutches to Naruto’s shoulders.

“Sasuke.” Naruto lifts Sasuke’s face softly and their gazes meet for few mere seconds. Sasuke looks at him with a mix of longing, guilt and fear; like he wants to be kissed, but also like he would punch Naruto if he tried to do that. “Why can’t we be together if both of us want to?”

Naruto watches as Sasuke’s gaze travels through his face for a few moments—fast when it passes Naruto’s eyes, but lingering when it reaches where Naruto’s mouth is covered by the scarf. Sasuke inhales and exhales several times before rustling, “You don’t understand.”

No, he doesn’t, but he really wants to. “Then help me understand.” 

Sasuke shakes his head, brow furrowing. “You were born in a very accepting family, among people who would support you regardless of your decisions, as long as you were happy.”

That’s true, and Naruto always took immense pride on his family because of that, but- “So what?”

“Not everyone has the same privilege!” Sasuke snaps, dark orbs piercing Naruto’s blue ones with anger. “Do you know what it would mean to my family if I ever started a relationship with a man? Do you know how much it would cost for me, for us, from day one? Don’t you remember what happened to Shisui?”

Naruto only talked to Sasuke and Itachi’s older cousin every once in a while when he was a kid. He doesn’t remember much about him and has to rely on his childhood self’s memories and opinions: Shisui was nice and everybody loved him, until one day they didn’t anymore. He never really pried on what happened exactly; neither Sasuke or Itachi ever opened up to him about it. All that he knows is that Shisui left home shortly after that day, to return never again.

Itachi followed suit exactly one year later, after finishing high school in advance. Even though he’s still welcomed whenever, Itachi hasn’t stepped into his parents’ home ever since. ( _Consider it a silent protest, little brother_ , Naruto heard Itachi say to Sasuke on the phone in one of their sleepovers, though he didn’t understand what he meant at the time.) Only recently Naruto learned through Itachi that Shisui is living abroad with a lover, working in the job of his dreams, and happy.

“Shisui never wanted to follow Microbiological Research,” Sasuke deadpans when Naruto tells him that. “I do! Do you have any idea how long it takes, how much it costs to follow this specifical branch?”

Naruto should be arguing that at least Shisui is happy, that he eventually got what he wanted, that Itachi would help his little brother just like he helped his cousin and that together they could make it, but the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, “Wait, wait. I thought you wanted to be a surgeon?”

“I changed my mind.”

“What? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know if you noticed,” Sasuke hisses. “But we haven’t exactly been talking properly lately!”

“Well, whose fault is that, Sasuke!” For the first time in their conversation, Naruto elevates his voice, letting go entirely of Sasuke as he screams, “Don’t go accusing me of anything when you’re the one denying and running away from me since we kissed!”

“You moron,” Sasuke grumbles, but doesn’t say anything else as he folds his arms and stares at the ground.

Naruto huffs, folding his arms as well. They shouldn’t be talking about it right now. “I think it’s good, that you want to do research. Isn’t it a little early to decide?”

Sasuke shakes his head, not looking up. “A couple of teachers said I should start as soon as I could in this field. They liked me, I think, so they managed to fit me in their team next semester. As an apprentice.”

“Wow, that’s good. That’s awesome! I hope you’re happy then.”

Sasuke nods, and they fall quiet once again. Sasuke’s head is lowered, but Naruto can see the slight reddening of his cheeks—if from embarrassment, cold or anger, he can’t be sure. His hair is floating with the harsh wind and, _Fuck, I must have it bad_ , because even though he’s angry and frustrated and hurt, Naruto still thinks Sasuke is the most beautiful, interesting and infuriating person he will ever meet in his entire life.

“If my family ever found out,” Sasuke says quietly after a long time, gaze still not lifting from his own shoes. “We wouldn’t… We couldn’t…” He doesn’t finish it. He doesn’t have to.

Naruto steps forward and, arms still crossed, leans forward so to glue their foreheads together. He waits patiently until Sasuke’s eyes meet his, and then asks in a whisper, “Are you so afraid of what your family might think of us being together that you’re willing to risk our entire relationship?”

Sasuke startles. “Don’t think that.” He untangles his arms and cups Naruto’s cheeks, bringing their faces even closer. Naruto doesn’t disentangle his own arms, though. “You have no idea of what you mean to me. Don’t think for a second I’d ever want or even be able to be far from you.”

“But you already are, Sasuke,” Naruto whines weakly. Sasuke’s hands are cold against his skin. “You seem not to realize it, but you are so far away from me, for so long.” He feels his eyes stinging a little, so he closes them.

“It was never my intention-”

“If…” Naruto cuts him. “If we didn’t feel for each other so deeply—heck, if it were just sexual attraction we would have solved this problem a long time ago. But it isn’t just that, and you know it. It’s… it’s love, Sasuke.” There, he said it, all else be damned.

“Naruto…”

“Let me finish!” Naruto hisses, then goes back to whisper, eyes still closed, “I want to be with the person I love, so much, but that is being denied by my best friend. But at the same time, it’s not like my best friend is there to me anymore, because he’s afraid to be the person I love. It’s so… frustrating, I don’t want us to be like that anymore.”

Naruto would like to be looking at Sasuke’s eyes as he said all that, but he’s feeling somewhat overwhelmed, if not stupid, and he’s afraid he might cry. So he doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything else, not even when Sasuke starts caressing his hair with one hand and his cheek with the other. He just waits—for what, he doesn’t know exactly.

After a long time of silence, Sasuke confesses in a low tone, “I don’t know how to solve this problem.”

Naruto swallows the lump in his throat. His voice comes out husky as he says, “Neither do I,” and backs away from Sasuke’s touch.

The dark cloud above the city looks menacing, but the rain that falls is mild. It barely catches them on their way home, that doesn’t take too long and yet feels like a hundred years. They don’t speak to each other throughout the ride. In fact, they don’t speak to each other for the remainder of the day. And the next day as well. And the days after.

Naruto finishes Madara’s journal, and it doesn’t make him feel any better; he’s left feeling miserable, brittle, and unable to do anything about it.

Their routine doesn’t change: Naruto still has crazy shifts at the library and Sasuke still has more classes than any normal person could handle; Naruto still passes through the bakery to buy bagels every evening and Sasuke still makes him hot chocolate every morning. Everything is at its perfect normal, except for the fact that there is silence between Sasuke and Naruto.

Soon winter comes and the finals are approaching, but they don’t talk about that. They have three days straight of snow and the classes are cancelled in one of them, but they don’t talk about that either.

They don’t talk.

They just don’t talk at all.

\- - -  
\- - -

_It will always intrigue me how the simplest of moments can trigger the biggest decisions. Like when your simple yet gorgeous smile drove me to kiss you for the first time; or when an ordinary talk about birds somehow led you to whisper in my ear, “I think I love you.”_

_Izuna brought his son to visit me today. He’s growing fast, the boy, already taking his first steps alone. It was as I watched that toddler falling on his own weak legs and yet shrugging away his father’s help, not with venom but for pure eagerness to explore the world in his own feet, that I finally came to the decision I should have made a long time ago:_

_Today I finally took the reins of my own life._

_Extremely belated, I know, and as predicted, at the cost of my own name in the company. It will be fine, though. Izuna agreed to take my place and I won’t deny it when he comes to me for help. What surprised me in this whole ordeal was that Izuna was the one who supported me the most.“It’s past the time you searched your own happiness, brother,” he said to me, although I didn’t explain why I was doing it. He also didn’t ask._

_I’m… feeling happy. Weightless. Free. It scares me, even though I don’t and probably never will regret my decision. Yet, somehow I can’t dispel the feeling that it is too late. Not only for me, but for us, although I didn’t do it for us, I did it for myself. I can’t shake away the feeling that everything will succumb around me and I will be left to blame. Perhaps this is what they call a panic attack. But I don’t regret it. I won’t regret it. I can’t regret it._

_If there is one thing I do regret, however, is that I didn’t tell you, “Me too,” on that day. I did try to show it as best as I could, but we were so young back then, and although those words made me very, very happy, they also were too much._

_Now I wonder, could it have made any difference? Would it change how things happened? Could it have prevented you from moving away or, at the very least, make you want to contact me again? If only we could talk once again, just once. It wouldn’t matter if I were to face rejection, because more than the person I love, you were always my best friend, my confidant._

_The way I feel for you, the way we both felt for each other, always felt so true and powerful. If I had just one more chance, I would try to make things right. I would give my all to you and demand the same. I would make you laugh and always be honest. I would hold you, and let myself be held, and I would make you promise over and over again that you’d never leave me behind._

_I would try to say, “I love you too, Hashirama,” because there is no way I couldn’t. Because loving you brings me peace, strength, happiness, makes me feel alive. It makes me feel vulnerable at the same time, and weak, because I feel like my very existence is yours to care, and it is so fragile. You could make me shatter effortlessly. (You already did.)_

_And yet, I couldn’t exchange this feeling for anything else in the world._

\- - -  
\- - -

Recognizing the unmistakable shade of red of his brother’s long hair, Naruto yells, “Kurama!” What earns him a few irritated looks from the people in the library. Flushing, and also a bit annoyed that Kurama had to choose a library of all places to meet up, he smiles and mouths an apology to them before bolting to the science fiction alley where his brother is standing.

“Whoa,” Kurama huffs when Naruto tackles him into a tight hug. “Missed me this much or had a shitty day?”

Naruto snorts. “Try shitty weeks.”

Kurama pats his back affectionately but doesn’t ask questions, and for that Naruto is grateful. Kurama is a whole ten years older than Menma and him, but the age gap never really affected their relationship; the three siblings have always been very close.

“Naruto,” Kurama says after a few moments, pushing Naruto weakly. “People are looking. They will think we’re gay.”

There is no malice in the commentary or in his big brother’s voice, he’s clearly just teasing. Nevertheless, it makes Naruto angry. “Good,” he snarls, tightening the grip on Kurama’s middle, although there is nothing more in the gesture. “Let them think whatever they want, I don’t care.” He can feel Kurama’s eyes on him, probably wondering what the hell is going on. Letting go only when he feels himself calming down enough, Naruto meets his brother’s golden eyes filled with concern.

“You’re really mad about something, huh?” Kurama asks.

Naruto deviates the gaze, letting it fall on the spine of a book. “More like… frustrated with some things. With someone.”

“I see.” Instead of asking for details, Kurama just puts a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. The simple gesture is comforting and helps to lift Naruto’s mood considerably, so he smiles and punches Kurama’s shoulder lightly.

“And for your information, I did miss you! You hid in your cave in the other dimension again!”

Laughing, Kurama lifts both hands as if trying to protect himself. “I was just trying to finish my new book.”

Naruto startles, now excited. “Did you finish?” he asks, bouncing when Kurama says yes but that it still needs editing. “Cool! Did you bring the manuscript or something? Can I read it?”

Kurama chuckles. “Sure, but let’s go elsewhere before they kick us out.”

Naruto looks around and notices there are some people looking at them weird, including some employees. It definitely isn’t because they were being loud, since the background music in the store is louder. But Naruto has a pretty good idea of the reason so, just to spite them, he clings to Kurama’s arm and, in the mellowest tone he can manage, says out loud, “Come on, honey bear, let’s hurry and go home!”

Kurama laughs loudly, but responds in the same tone as he picks two books from the shelf he was looking: “Oh, sweetcheeks, are you tired already?”

“Yeah.” Naruto drags the word for a few seconds. “I need to lie down a little bit. Y’know, in that big bed of ours with silky sheets. Where we sleep. Together.”

It’s so worth the embarrassment, just for the faces those people make. Kurama and him keep pretending to be a cheesy and shameless couple, strafing the most ridiculous sexual innuendos loud and clear, until Kurama pays for half a dozen books and they leave the store. Once outside, they separate and laugh really hard.

“I can’t believe you!”

“Serves them right!” Naruto deadpans. “Next time they’ll learn to not stare at two guys that they can only assume are gay. It isn’t any of their business anyway.”

Kurama smiles softly. “You’ve grown.” He ruffles Naruto’s hair.

“Stop talking like you haven’t seen me just a few months ago.” Naruto shoves his hand away, for some reason annoyed with that statement.

“But it’s true. You’ve grown since your graduation. And I don’t mean only physically.”

Naruto doesn’t answer, so Kurama drops the subject altogether.

Snow fell heavily all morning. Although it isn’t snowing anymore, the sidewalks are still covered in white. Together, the brothers stroll down a few blocks, Kurama leading the way to a small caffé. Inside, it’s just like Kurama likes it: cozy, warm, nearly empty. Kurama never lived in this city, but since several of his friends and his editor do, he visits quite often. So it’s no surprise that he has a favorite coffee place where the staff already knows his name.

They choose a table in the corner, next to a fake fireplace. Between mochaccinos and snacks, they talk for a long time, mainly catching up on each other’s lives and pondering about Menma. Their parents are worried about him living so far away and all alone; in Naruto’s opinion, though, Menma is becoming more and more responsible despite his behavior.

After a long time, Naruto’s curiosity wins him over and he has to ask about Kurama’s new book.

“My editor wants to publish it as soon as possible,” Kurama tells him, taking a manuscript off of his backpack. “I’m not sure if it’s ready yet, so I gave copies to a few trustworthy friends so they can tell me what they think.”

Naruto grabs the manuscript, already excited. Kurama isn’t a worldwide known writer—yet—but his books are always praised by the critics and he has several loyal fans. Naruto is one of them, and he’s secretly smug that he’s one of the few trustworthy people Kurama lets see his stories first-hand.

“Tell me what you think. Honestly.”

Naruto nods. “I’ll be harsh.”

They fall silent for a long time then, Naruto reading Kurama’s manuscript while Kurama starts to read one of the books he just bought.

Perhaps his opinion is biased, but Naruto can tell right at the first pages that the book is good. Kurama can write anything, but his preferred genre is adventure and this time he chose to mix a bit of fantasy in the story, hooking Naruto up right at the first chapter. However, Naruto has to stop reading in the middle of page forty-five. A new character is introduced on that page—just a side character, and his introduction isn’t even as great as others were. Still, what draws Naruto’s attention isn’t the introduction itself so much as the character’s name: Hashirama.

Slowly, Naruto lifts his gaze from the manuscript to stare at Kurama. When his brother notices it, he settles his book on the table and stares back, questioningly. Naruto swallows, unsure how to ask this question and how to explain it without sounding stupid or strange, then holds the manuscript in front of Kurama, pointing to the character’s name. “This name”, he mutters sheepishly, as if it were some sort of embarrassing secret he’s reluctant to share (in a way, it kind of is). “Where did you find it?”

Kurama reads the line Naruto is pointing, then looks at him for a few moments before smiling. “I suppose you don’t remember Auntie Mito, do you?”

Naruto shakes his head.

“I thought so, you and Menma were just toddlers when she passed away.” He pauses for a moment, as if remembering something. “To tell the truth, I also don’t remember much of her, although Mom and her used to be pretty close and she was always visiting. As a kid, I thought Auntie Mito’s husband was the funniest guy in the world, and I realized as I wrote this story that my character resembled him a lot, so I thought it would be nice to pay some sort of homage. Hashirama is a nice name.”

“He’s dead?”

“He passed away years ago. I’m not sure if Mom kept in touch with him after Auntie Mito died. If I’m not mistaken, he used to live in this town, but I could be wrong.”

Naruto doesn’t know what to say or think, because this can’t be true, this is too simple, this is too much of a coincidence. He gapes at his brother for so long, lost in his own thoughts, that eventually Kurama feels obligated to ask if there is something wrong.

“No.” Naruto shakes his head, waking up from the shock. “Nothing’s wrong, don’t worry.”

Kurama takes a sip of his coffee, watching him. “Why did you ask?”

“Asked what?”

“About my character’s name.” Kurama leans closer, now a bit worried. “Naruto, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Naruto laughs, fidgeting in his seat. Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s already up and shoving Kurama’s manuscript in his own backpack. “I, uhm. I need to go now, are you gonna be okay? Do you have a place to sleep?”

“I’m staying with a friend. Naruto, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong! I mean, there are some things wrong, but they can’t stay wrong forever, can they? I can’t let this happen, can I?”

Kurama arches an eyebrow, but doesn’t respond. He looks like he’s about to call the mental hospital, so Naruto decides it’s time to flee.

“I need to go. Your book is great, but I’ll read the rest and tell you what I think later, alright? I promise.”

“Naruto…”

“I really need to go.”

Kurama calls him a couple of times more; and although it does make him feel a bit guilty, Naruto ignores him in favor to rush to the exit.

Outside, it’s snowing again, probably started a while ago. Naruto is downtown, considerably far from home. Despite the snow, there are several people in the streets and the sidewalks are slippery. Perhaps it would be better to just take a bus, but that also means traffic, and Naruto can’t think much beyond that he has to get home right now.

So he runs,

He runs and bumps into people and almost falls several times, but nothing is enough to stop him. He keeps running as fast as he can—it doesn’t feel fast enough—heart racing, only one thought coherent in his mind ( _Sasuke, Sasuke_ ).

It doesn’t make sense. If Madara and that Hashirama guy lived in the same town… Hashirama was married? To someone Mom knew? It just doesn’t make sense! Or perhaps it does, in a way, it’s just that Naruto can’t see it. Reading between the lines was never his forte.

Either way, the fact is that it happened, and this whole ordeal served to teach Naruto two things: one, time won’t stop for him; two, he can’t sit down and wish for things to work out for the better. His wishes will never become true if he doesn’t make them so himself.

Hinata’s sweet voice comes in his mind— _I don’t regret it_ —as well as Madara’s (or what he imagines it to be)— _I only have one regret_ —and he races even more.

By the time he finally arrives home, it’s already getting dark. He has no idea of the distance he just crossed, but it certainly was a lot. He’s sweaty, breathing harshly, and his legs tremble a little. As he searches in his backpack for his keys, muttering a curse or two, Naruto pulls out several books and papers, and Madara’s journal comes amongst them. For some reason (probably loneliness), he kept carrying it around even after finishing it.

When he finally manages to unlock the door, he rushes through the corridor, carelessly dropping everything on the floor except for the journal. He stops in front of Sasuke’s bedroom and, without giving it much thought, starts to knock on the door.

“Sasuke!” he screams, although he isn’t even sure if Sasuke is home yet. If he isn’t mistaken, Sasuke’s finals aren’t over yet like Naruto’s, but they haven’t talked in so long, he can’t be sure anymore. “Sasuke!” He tries again, banging on the door harder, screaming louder. “Sasuke!”

“What!” Sasuke screams back when he finally opens the door. He looks groggy, as if he just woke up, and irritated. 

For a moment, Naruto considers the possibility that he could very well be disintegrating the last strand of their relationship. That thought alone makes him stop for a second and catch his breath, unsure of himself, of what he’s about to do, and he clutches Madara’s journal harder.

“What is it, Naruto.”

But then he thinks, this is Sasuke, his best friend, the person who Naruto is in love with. Sasuke, who is right there in front of him, messy hair and glassy eyes that, behind the irritation, are hiding concern and bewilderment.

Naruto takes a deep breath and a step forward. Sasuke arches an eyebrow.

“This,” Naruto says, shoving Madara’s journal at Sasuke’s chest. “Is not gonna happen to us.”

“What the fu-”

Naruto doesn’t let him finish. A moment later he’s entering Sasuke’s space, closing the abysm between them, cupping Sasuke’s neck, sealing their mouths in an eager kiss.

At first it is clumsy, too euphoric on Naruto’s part. Sasuke quivers under his touch, so Naruto forces himself to slow down. He caresses Sasuke’s nape softly, what helps him recover from the shock, and then Naruto hears a thump—something falling on the floor—and Sasuke is kissing him back. Naruto can’t hold himself from moaning when Sasuke hugs him, brings him closer, licks his tongue in a way that makes him go crazy. Sasuke’s hands travel through every inch of Naruto’s back, shoulder and arms, feeling him up as if he’d been craving for it as much as Naruto had. His touch feels like fire even through several layers of winter clothes, and Naruto decides he’s in seventh heaven. He should have done this a long time ago.

It takes a while—and several pecks and second kisses—but slowly, the initial urge melts into a comfortable pace. They just hold each other for who knows how long, just kissing and caressing tenderly. Naruto half whispers, half moans Sasuke’s names several times against his lips, overwhelmed by all the sensations only Sasuke has the power to make him feel.

When they part, both are breathless and flushing. Naruto takes a step back, watching as Sasuke takes a moment to open his eyes and gaze at him warily. He looks astounded and elated, which pleases Naruto so very much, because he is feeling a whole range of emotions himself. Most of them are good, though.

Naruto reaches for Sasuke’s hands, brings one of them to cup his cheek and kisses thee knuckles of the other. That causes Sasuke to catch his breath.

“You feel cold,” he murmurs, and then frowns.

Naruto chuckles softly. “I was running in the rain,” he explains.

“Why would you do that?”

“For you.” Naruto closes his eyes, feeling very at peace. Sasuke’s skin is warm against his.

“Idiot. You’ll catch a cold.” Sasuke scowls, but by his tone of voice Naruto can tell he is actually pleased by the answer. He kisses Naruto again, but then backs away, which makes Naruto panic.

“Wait!” He holds Sasuke tightly. “Don’t back away again,” he pleads, face buried in Sasuke’s neck, suddenly afraid that he did the wrong thing. That if he lets Sasuke go this time, he will vanish right in front of his eyes, and Naruto isn’t sure if he’ll have the strenght to pursue him all over again.

“Naruto.” Gently, Sasuke lifts his face so they can look at each other in the eye when he assures, “I”m not backing away again.”

“You promise?” Naruto asks weakly, not really comprehending Sasuke’s words. Sasuke nods once, twice when Naruto repeats himself, three times when he emphasizes, “We really need to talk, Sasuke.”

“We do. And we will, but not if you’re sick.” He cups Naruto’s cheeks again. “Go take a shower first while I make you some tea. I’ll be here when you’re done, okay?”

Naruto wants to argue to stay, but Sasuke’s eyes are kind of hypnotizing, making it incredibly hard to say no to him. And Naruto indeed is cold, shivering from it, and he really hates being sick. Also, he trusts Sasuke’s words, because even while not being on best terms, Sasuke never stopped taking good care of him.

So he obeys, and pouts just a tiny bit,

Initially, his intention is to take a brief shower, but the water is really warm, and Naruto realizes how drained of energy he actually is—if from the cold or all the run, or simply the emotional rollercoaster, he isn’t sure. He ends up staying under the douche for a good while, letting the warm water soothe his muscles. In his bedroom, he dresses in a pair of black sweatpants and a white long-sleeved t-shirt. Then, still drying his hair with a towel, he heads to Sasuke’s bedroom, half afraid that his fears will become true and Sasuke will have disappeared.

They don’t, however. Sasuke is still there, just like he promised, leaning in the headboard of his bed with a mug in his hands and a book sprawled in his lap. He taps the bed, beckoning Naruto, who eagerly sits beside him, and then Sasuke exchanges the mug for the towel and starts to dry Naruto’s hair for him. He blushes, but doesn’t complain.

The book Sasuke was reading is left open on the duvet. Glancing at it, Naruto realizes it was Madara’s journal. For the first time in months he’d completely forgotten about it and although it does make him feel bad, it’s also a relief.

Still, he recognizes the page: a picture of an old aged Madara holding two children, Itachi and Sasuke, in his arms, looking sick and with an IV in the back of one of his hands. Madara had stopped writing in the journal long before the picture was taken, but he still maintained to habit of gluing pictures he’d considered important to him, proof that he never really forgot about the journal and, quite possibly, his own feelings.

“Did you read it?”

“Some passages, yeah, That photo was from the day he was diagnosed, I believe. I don’t really remember, but I can tell. I remember that hospital room. That window.”

Naruto nods, but doesn’t say anything else. He isn’t sure of what to say. Even if he were, he is too tired. So he just sips his tea—chamomile with honey, just how he likes it—and keeps quiet, trying not to think about sad stories that don’t make sense.

Sasuke breaks the silence after Naruto’s hair is completely dry. “You’re warm,” he notes, feeling the temperature of Naruto’s brow with the back of his hand. “Maybe you have a fever.”

“Do not,” Naruto whines, although he does feel abnormally tired, and he’s still shivering a bit.

“Maybe not,” Sasuke relents. Naruto doesn’t have to look to know he’s rolling his eyes. “But you look tired. You should rest.”

“No,” Naruto mewls weakly, but doesn’t fight it when Sasuke takes the mug and pushes him down in the bed. Part of him wants to protest, they still have so much to talk about. The other part just watches as Sasuke puts the mug and the book on the bedside table, then turns off the lights and lies beside him, covering them both with the duvet.

Although they’ve gotten used to share a bed during sleepovers, this time it feels different. Not in a bad way, though, so it doesn’t feel all that weird when Naruto inches closer to Sasuke and hugs his waist. Actually, it feels really good. Even better when Sasuke guides Naruto’s head to his shoulder and starts tugging at his hair lightly.

“Do you have to wake up early tomorrow?” Naruto asks, snuggling even closer.

“No. My classes are over, I took the last exam this morning.”

“Good. I wouldn’t let you anyway.”

Sasuke takes a few moments to answer (probably because he doesn’t really know how to). “Really.”

“Really. You feel too good to just leave this bed ever again.” He squeezes Sasuke’s middle to emphasize his point, and chuckles when Sasuke chooses to stay mute again. Then, because he has to be sure before he falls asleep: “We’ll talk tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re awfully calm, y’know…”

“Am I?” Sasuke caresses the back of Naruto’s neck, what makes him shiver for a completely different reason.

“Mhm. I thought you’d be fretting all over the place if I ever tried to kiss you again.”

Sasuke considers it for a moment. “Well, I was already fretting because you _weren’t_ kissing me, so…”

Naruto laughs. “Then you liked it?”

Sasuke turns Naruto’s head slightly and kisses him. This time it is much more soft and quick, but Naruto’s heart still races. He smiles and nuzzles Sasuke’s jaw. “Then that means you won’t sulk anymore, alright.”

Sasuke scoffs. “I don’t sulk.”

“Sure you don’t,” he taunts lazily. Sasuke doesn’t rise to the bait, though, focusing instead on massaging Naruto’s scalp, which makes Naruto sleepy and he yawns, unwilling to fight it any longer.

\- - -  
\- - -

Brightness invades the room despite the closed curtains. Naruto wakes up slowly, feeling incredibly comfortable and warm. Sasuke's scent is all around him, and he grumbles a little, already dreading to get up. But when he opens his eyes, he smiles brightly. Sasuke is still beside him, reading a book, and the reason why Naruto’s hand feels so warm is because Sasuke is holding it firmly.

Noticing Naruto waking up, Sasuke shifts from his position, getting closer. His book is abandoned on the pillows. “How are you feeling?” he asks in a low tone, feeling Naruto’s temperature. “I think the fever is finally gone.”

Naruto vaguely remembers waking up in the middle of the night to Sasuke giving him medicine, but the memory is blurry. Either way, he feels just fine now. “I’m okay,” he assures when Sasuke won’t let go of his brow, pushing him away. Then he thinks better of it and pulls him back, hugging him tightly. “You didn’t say good morning to me.”

Sasuke chuckles in Naruto’s hair. “Good morning,” he says, so soft and calm and sexy that it’s impossible for Naruto not to melt into a puddle of sappy. He nuzzles Sasuke’s jawline, then searches his lips, whining when Sasuke doesn’t allow Naruto to kiss him, instead nipping at Naruto’s bottom lip in a teasing manner.

“No fair!” Naruto pouts, causing Sasuke to chuckle even more. So, as a form of retaliation (but not really), he pushes Sasuke on his back and settles himself over him, hands and chin resting on his chest.

They take a moment to observe each other in silence. Sasuke’s expression doesn’t show anything other than tranquility, but in this position Naruto can feel his heart beating fast.

“So,” Naruto starts sheepishly after a few minutes, only to fall quiet again. He plays with the fabric of Sasuke’s shirt, unsure of how to say this. But then, considering everything they’ve been through, he decides that being straightforward is the best option. “Are we together now? Like, for real?”

The tranquility quickly vanishes from Sasuke’s expression, being replaced by conflict and hesitation, and Naruto can feel his heartbeat accelerating even more. Still, Sasuke doesn’t deviate his gaze from Naruto’s, which is actually a relief—at least he isn’t shying away.

Very, very slowly, Naruto reaches for Sasuke’s cheek, caresses it, and then combs his fingers through his hair. “You know you don’t have to feel scared with me, right?” he says as soothingly as he can. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

Sasuke inhales harshly, but leans into Naruto’s touch. “I don’t want it to happen to us either,” he mutters, not needing to explain himself.

Naruto’s eyes travel to the dark burgundy book forgotten a few inches above Sasuke’s head. He reaches for Madara’s journal, absent-mindedly flipping the pages. Some of them he could reproduce by heart after reading so many times. Others, he barely finished; it would be too painful. Sasuke didn’t mark the page he was in.

“I couldn’t read everything,” Sasuke confesses in a low tone, as if reading Naruto’s mind. They shift to a sitting position, side by side, the duvet covering only their legs. “I always had this image of Uncle Madara, a serious and collected, somewhat rough man. Not that he wasn’t kind to us, but. He was rather cold. But this man…” He eyes the journal in Naruto’s hands. “Is a completely different person. He’s so…”

“Sad?” Naruto provides when Sasuke trails off. “Lonely?”

“Emotional. It’s… disconcerting.”

Naruto rests his head on Sasuke’s shoulder. It’s a bit difficult for him to imagine Madara as a cold person, but at the same time, he was an Uchiha, so it’s not like he doubts it either. “I wish I’d met him,” he admits, abandoning the book in his lap in order to take Sasuke’s hand. “All in all, I think he was a good person. He taught me a lot, y’know.”

Sasuke turns his palm up, entwining their fingers. “He taught me a lot, too. He had that in him, always something to teach to somebody. I think it was a trait Itachi inherited.”

Naruto laughs. “That and being a business genius.”

Sasuke smirks, agreeing. They fall in comfortable silence again, Naruto playing with Sasuke’s fingers while Sasuke grabs Madara’s journal, eyeing it intently.

“What do you think happened?” Naruto asks eventually. “Between your uncle and that Hashirama dude?”

“I don’t know.” Sasuke shrugs. “Though I think I might have met him.”

“Hashirama?” Naruto lifts his head so he can look at Sasuke right in the eye. “What do you mean?”

Sasuke puts the journal back in Naruto’s lap. “I might be just putting the wrong pieces together,” he starts, looking pensive, as if trying to remember something long forgotten. “Remember when I told you that a couple of teachers wanted me in their research team?”

Naruto nods.

“One of them is the granddaughter of this worldwide known doctor, considered a genius in the treatment of several kinds of degenerative diseases. He was named Hashirama Senju. There’s a reputable hospital on the other side of the city owned by their family. My uncle was treated there. I remember an old man, about my uncle’s age, that was always close when we visited. I don’t think I ever heard his first name, but I do remember Father calling him Dr. Senju, telling us he was the best of the best.”

He pauses for a moment, evaluating his own thoughts.

“I also remember Dr. Senju mentioning once that he and Uncle Madara were childhood friends. I never gave it much thought, but now…” He grabs the journal again. “Maybe they were the same person.”

Naruto’s agape. There were indeed a few hints in the journal that Hashirama had become a doctor. A famous one. Part of him doesn’t want to hear this story anymore, but he’s also curious, so he doesn’t interrupt.

“Uncle Madara died in the middle of the night, one of the few we didn’t spend with him, but he didn’t die alone. Dr. Senju was with him, as he always seemed to do in my uncle’s final days. There’s no way I could know if something happened between them, but Dr. Senju made a point to help Mother with the funeral. He took it over, actually.”

Sasuke pauses again, lost in thoughts. Naruto has to nudge him to make him continue.

“I visited Uncle Madara’s tombstone very few times. And something about it always intrigued me, since almost no one in the family actually spoke to him.” He sighs, then turns to Naruto. “It is rather simple. There’s only one thing written in it: _Madara Uchiha, Loved_.”

Astonished, Naruto blinks several times while letting the information sink in. It all seems a work of fiction, one of Kurama's sad ending dramas, but Madara and Hashirama’s story is so cruel, unfair and anti-climactic, it could only belong to real life.

Tears fall without his consent, and then Naruto feels Sasuke putting Madara’s journal away and bringing him closer. “Shh,” he murmurs when Naruto sobs that it isn’t fair. He caresses his neck and the back of his head, telling him, “It’s gonna be okay,” which doesn’t really make him feel any better because it isn’t true. It will never be okay, because it already happened, and it doesn’t matter how much Naruto wants it, he can't change the past.

What he can do—what he was always raised to believe, what he’d almost forgotten but Madara helped him remember—is learn from it. He doesn’t have to commit the same mistakes from the past.

He _can_ mold his own future.

“You didn’t answer me, you bastard,” he accuses between hiccups, after he’s considerably more calm. “I need a straight answer, Sasuke.”

Their gazes lock, and Sasuke bites his bottom lip, thinking his words carefully. “I’ve been talking to Itachi lately. About… me. About us.”

“…And?”

“He was actually surprised.” Sasuke snorts. “He thought we’d been together for over a year already.”

“Him too?” Naruto can’t help laughing loudly, and when Sasuke frowns, he explains that Menma thought the same thing. “Only he thought it was two years!” Sasuke blushes a deep shade of red, which Naruto finds adorable, but doesn’t say anything.

“I wanna do the right thing from now on.” Sasuke takes Naruto’s hand. “It doesn’t matter what my parents and my entire family might think. Whatever they do, it will never compare to the pain of losing you.”

“You never lost me, Sasuke.”

“I did.” Sasuke gives him a tiny, melancholic smile, touching Naruto’s cheek. “For a little while, I did.”

Naruto huffs, knowing he can’t really argue with that. He presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes, that are stinging a little. Although it pains him to admit, it is true. “You did hurt me, y’know. A lot.”

“I know.”

“We hurt each other.”

Sasuke looks like he’s going to deny it, but Naruto eyes him intently and with enough fierce that he thinks better of it. “I promise to never hurt you again,” he says instead.

“You don’t have to promise me that. I just want to know that we’re good. That whatever happens, we are in this together, and that you’ll always be honest with me.”

Sasuke closes his eyes and nods, breathing deeply. Naruto notices he’s shaking, so he hugs him, hoping it will serve as a form of comfort. He has to resist the urge to hide them both under the covers and kiss Sasuke’s fears away.

“We don’t have to rush ourselves,” he tells Sasuke. “We can take things slow, if that’s what you want. I understand if you do, and I really don’t mind.”

Sasuke thinks it over for a few seconds, then breathes deeply and says, relieved, “I’d like that.”

“Good.” Naruto leans in for a slow, tender kiss, happy when Sasuke reciprocates without so much hesitation. They find the perfect pace quickly, and as they kiss, Naruto thinks of all the challenges they’re going to face from now on. Not just because of Sasuke’s family, but also regarding the world. He’s certain there will be bumps on the road, that Sasuke and him will still fight a lot, that sometimes the difficulties will seem so overwhelming it’ll probably hurt.

But even with all that, Naruto doesn’t feel discouraged. He also thinks of all the mornings he’ll wake up next to Sasuke. Of all the breakfasts and showers and conquests they’ll share from now on. Of visiting their families next week. Of traveling with Sasuke around the world. Of kissing and hugging and just loving Sasuke, and being loved back. It all makes him feel immeasurably happy, and when they part and Sasuke smiles at him, sincere and unguarded—a smile meant for no one else but him—Naruto is certain that they still have plenty of time to sort things out. 

He smiles back.

They’re gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sequel-ish prequel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3388811)


End file.
